17 Weeks

Yay....17 weeks! I'm so excited. I'm getting a little bigger. Last Friday, I woke up and was like "Hey, where did that come from!" I had a little baby bump :) Also, the nausea is gone...for now anyway but I really think it is not coming back! Even though I am tired often, things just seem to be getting better. I don't just come home and lay on the coach all night. I seem to have more energy and all I can say is "FINALLY!" Now, we will just have to see how long this newfound energy lasts but I'm hoping at least until the third trimester.

Addison is doing great. This kid just gets smarter and smarter each day. She is so funny and says and does some of the most hysterical things. She is seriously awesome! Everyday she comes up to my belly and rubs and kisses it. She knows there is a baby in there. I can't wait until she can feel the baby kick.

So that is it for now. I just hoping to have a wonderful weekend. My cousin is coming into town to go to Bite of Las Vegas. This means lots of eating on Saturday. Thank god I'm prego! It's my excuse to eat some more :)

It's a Girl

Yup...it's a Girl alright. See for yourself.

Even though I told myself I wasn't going to be upset, I am. I hate it too. I just really, really, REALLY wanted a boy. I have been so sick lately especially last weekend. The whole time I kept telling myself it will all be worth it if its a boy. And now its not...and I am upset. Not that I am not happy for a girl but damn, I really wanted a boy.

Part of me is even more upset with the thought that I may have to get prego again to try one more time for a boy. And that sure makes me upset with the thought that I may have to go through this sickness one more time. I'm not up for that.

I told a girl at work today too and started crying again. Geez. I just need to remind myself that as long as the baby is healthy...that is all that matters. And don't get me wrong...I am happy. I really am. Think of all the money I am going to save with another girl :) I just wanted the little boy experience.

But, as long as she is healthy, I will forever be happy and grateful. Now, if only she would stop making me sick all the time. I seriously was so nauseous last night and thought I was going to throw up two times. I am so done with the sickness. At 15 and a half weeks, you would think it would be over. Nope. Still in full swing. I just need to remind myself to stay positive and the sickness will pass...eventually.

Now, if only Donnie and I could agree on some names. My names include: Olivia, Stella, Emma. Donnie's name include ...... Nothing. He hasn't thought of anything yet he doesn't like mine. Let the arguing (I mean compromising) begin!

13.5 Weeks and Counting

Yea....Second Trimester! Hopefully this means the morning sickness, nausea and vomiting are over, right? Well, I'm not getting my hopes up just quite yet. I start to feel better and then it hits me all over again. I feel I am in a way better place to do this....even with the occasional throwing up fit, I feel way better than I did 3-4 weeks ago.

I went to the doc yesterday. It is always nerve racking the first few trips to the doctor. I am always concerned that since I can't feel the baby move yet that I had a miscarriage or something is wrong. I just feel like I am on pins and needles until I can hear that heartbeat. It is just music to my ears.

My doc appt was at 3:35. At 4:55, they took us back to the room. The whole time I am thinking "Wow...that was fast. We just might get out of here in good time today." Well...nope. We sat back in the room for over an hour! I was getting a little restless and I know Donnie was too. When the doc came in he acknowledged that we had been waiting a long time to see him. (yes we did!). We said, "Well good news then...it just might be too early for this thing (and he held up the doppler machine) so lets put you on the ultrasound machine!" I was so excited and felt like all the waiting was WELL WORTH IT! Now we get the see the baby which is way better than just hearing the heartbeat.

Baby looked really good. My doctor is always great because he takes the time to point out everything you can make out on the ultrasound machine...eye socket, brain, fist, fingers, thigh bone, arm, foot. It was great. And we got so excited just seeing an arm move. No sign of a gender yet....but we go to the special ultrasound place in a week and a half. I pray that we can find out then! Fingers crossed...

All-in-all, it was a very very successful doctor trip. I got a little bad news at the end...I can't lift Addison for 4-6 weeks after my C-Section. So how the hell am I going to get her out of her crib in the AM and back in there for naptime all by myself. Glad I found this out now...because I need to do some planning.

Sick of being Sick

I think I hit rock bottom over the long weekend. I seriously was sick every day throwing up. I lost over 5 lbs in 3 days.

I hit my breaking point last night. It was about 11 PM and I got up to brush my teeth. I suddenly felt so sick and starting throwing up real bad. After this finished, I was so upset. I am just so frustrated at being sick and feeling like I have no energy to pick myself off the couch to do anything. I started crying...hysterically. I was feeling so sorry for myself and what I was going through. Its not like I'm the only one that has ever had morning sickness, but I just feel like it is never going to end. Then, I feel like saying the words..."I don't want to do this anymore." But I don't because I know this will pass.

I think what I struggle with is that I wasn't ready to get pregnant. I didn't prepare myself for what I would be feeling and it kinda happened suddenly for me. I've been sick for over 5 weeks now and I'm just over it. I'm over the nausea and throwing up and lack of energy. I want to just hide in my house and sleep all day.

And to top it off...my vacation starts in 4 days. If I have another repeat weekend this weekend, I will be so upset. I am just praying all goes well and we have a great time. Me being sick all the time will just ruin it.

Eight Weeks

I was actually 8 weeks on Saturday.

Feeling: Terrible, miserable, nauseated. I throw up about everyday. My worst enemy is stairs - I seriously get so sick every time I walk up the stairs.

Weight: I'm down about 4-5 lbs. Most likely...its from the lack of eating and throwing up constantly.

I feel so sick I seriously just can't write anymore. This feeling sucks.

Talking and Peeing.

Addison has developed quite the vocabulary. She LOVES to repeat anything and everything you say. So far, though, no bad words. I don't know how that is possible since I can cuss like a sailor, but so far, so good. I was afraid early on that she wasn't talking as much as I thought she should be, but that for sure turned around. It is amazing at all the things she does say. She also knows pretty much every body part, five animals and their sounds, and we are working on colors and the numbers 1-5. My grandma watches her 2-3 times a week and during at least 2 of those times, they have "school time." My grandma will practice either the ABCs, numbers or colors with her. Am I lucky or what?

We also just got her the first DVD of Your Baby Can Read. I have been eying the infomercial since she was born and I would watch it at her 2 AM feeding. When I looked at the price, I was shocked...over $200. At the time, it just didn't work in our budget. Well, this weekend, I was grocery shopping at Wal-mart and since Wal-mart carries EVERYTHING, they just so happened to have it. You could buy it in individual volumes or 3 volumes for $69. Since I wasn't sure how Addison would take it, I thought I would only invest the $25 for one volume right now. I was surprised at how fast the DVD moves. The words are shown very fast - even fast for me and I know the words. But, it seems to keep her interest and she follows along for most of the movie. She actually gets very excited when she watches it and it always smiling at the other kids or laughing at what they are asking her to do. Some of the words are: clap, hi, baby, dog, cat, elephant, arms, arms up, mouth, nose, etc. So nothing too difficult and a good start to some words. The DVD is only about 15-20 minutes long which is good. I plan on having her watch it at least once a day and I don't want to move onto the next volume until we have mastered this one first.

Another new development in our house is the potty. Addison has peed on the potty 3 times now. In addition, we have spent many more hours sitting on the potty with no action. The other night we sat on the potty for over 20 minutes talking and playing but nothing. She even screamed for Donnie to come into the bathroom and sit down with us (I was sitting on the floor next to her). Sometimes, I think she just wants to sit on the potty because she loves to be naked.

Naked - my kid loves to be naked. Her new thing is to take her clothes off during nap time including her diaper. We go into her room to either check on her or get her up and she is butt naked. Surprisingly though, after she takes her diaper off, she never pees in her bed. This just further explains how ready she is to potty train. Sometimes she just insists on not wearing a diaper. It kills me too because I know she wants panties on but I can't risk her peeing her panties when we are out in public. It would just be a mess.

Panties - I need to have a talk with these manufacturers....not every kid that is ready for panties wears a size 2T. My kid is still in 12 months but we have searched and searched and searched for panties and the smallest size we could find is 2T. My kid weighs 21 lbs even and most of these panties start around 28 lbs. At her rate, she won't be reaching 28 until well after she is 2. I'm going to have to get creative with a needle and thread to sew these panties smaller. If not, she will be severely sagging.

Weight - as I said before, she weighs a whopping 21 lbs...hooray! The doctor said even though she is on the growth chart around the 2 percentile, she looks great. We only need her to gain 4 lbs between her first and second birthday and we are already half way there. Finding clothes to fit her is sometimes a challenge though. Any shorts that I buy her are usually 9 months and we still have to wear a belt because they are too big. Length is our only problem. She is such a peanut!

All-in-all, she is progressing great. I really couldn't ask for a better kid. We may have our moments and melt downs from time-to-time, but she really is a great kid. She is so smart and getting smarter everyday. I can't wait to see what comes next. I thought I missed her newborn and baby stage...but this is WAY better.

Morning Sickness

I am just sick of it. I swear I just want to cry everyday, all day. I am so sick. I can't keep anything down and I feel like absolute shit. I am tired and just want to sleep all day. But, unfortunately, I don't have that luxury. I have a full time job that I must go to if I want to pay my mortgage. It just sucks feeling this way. I feel like all day I have to way whether I need to start running to the bathroom and pray that I make it in time. Plus, I most people at work don't know so I just pray that when I do hit the bathroom that I am alone. So far so good. Good part though is the flu is going around at work and they might just think I got it.

I have contemplated when I should announce the pregnancy. After I told my boss, I honestly was okay with whoever knew. However, yesterday I found out so pretty scary news. Another girl at work was prego (about 1.5 weeks before me) and she lost the baby. It isn't even me and I wanted to start crying. I pulled my boss aside and triple checked that he wouldn't say anything about my baby bump during our company meeting because I knew it would be devastating. He didn't obviously and I am so glad I made sure to confirm it with him.

Losing the baby is of course my worst fear. I felt okay for one morning/afternoon and I started freaking out thinking that maybe I was feeling better because I too wasn't prego anymore. I honestly just can't think like that. If it happens, it happens but I can just hope for the best that my baby is okay. I really feel for what my coworker has to go through and I'm sure that it can't be easy.

I hope this morning sickness doesn't last much longer. I truly hate it (who doesn't?). I'm really looking forward to August 30th so I can hear the baby's heartbeat again. I pray that everything is alright in there.

18 Months Already

It is going by so fast. I can't believe my baby is already 18 months old. Geez, where does the time go? She is becoming so unbelievably independent. She thinks she can do everything on her own. 18 months old and still only 4 teeth. Her vocabulary is developing rapidly. She talks so much now. She knows alot of one our answers or questions. She is learning manners and says please and thank you most of the time. Please really doesn't sound like please...it is more of puhees. But she gets the jist of it.

She has peed on the potty twice now which is super exciting! My mom has looked for panties and training panties for her but they only come in size 2T and up. This kid is barely in 12 month clothes. There is no way size 2T panties are going to fit her. She goes to the doctor on Monday but I think she is around 21 lbs. She is such a tiny peanut. We took her dress shopping last night and I immediately knew the 12 month dress was way to big. It is weird to think my 18 month old still fits into 9 month clothes!

Besides being skinny and barely any teeth :) she is doing wonderfully. We have only had to do time out a couple of times but it really does work. You can see an instance switch in her attitude. We will see how long it lasts for. Besides that, she is a thriving, happy-go-lucky 18 month old. We have pictures tonight at JcPenney and I really hope they go well. Last time, she refused to smile. It took my dad having a stuffed animal hanging out of his mouth and jumping around like a monkey to even get a smirk from her. Seriously, if I could have tapped my Dad and the way he was acting, we would all be dying laughing.

Happy 18 months Addison! You are truly the light of my life and I love you more than the air I breathe.

My Baby Speck

So I went to the doctor yesterday. I am so happy too. I really didn't want to wait until August 30th to make sure the baby was okay. Since I had been spotting, I called the nurse to find out how much spotting is too much? She told me to come in and have the doc check. Perfect...however, I was already at work and really didn't think that I would have to go to the doc today. So of course, there wasn't much "prepping" done. I mean the shaving and trimming of all seen areas. Thankfully I took a shower before work but honestly, I had been so sick and really tired the past week that I didn't even give my legs a second look! Opps.

Hairy legs in all - I went to the doc. I took the first available appt right in the middle of work but I didn't care. I was poked and pradded EVERYWHERE. I got a vaginal exam, blood work, vaginal ultrasound and another urinalysis. He said he didn't see anymore bleeding which is fantastic. My first urinalysis from Friday still wasn't back but he still gave me a prescription which I am so thankful for. I seriously don't know how much more I could take of this urinary tract infection. It has gotten so bad that it hurts to sit on my office chair.

Next up was the ultrasound. He said if my dates were correct, we might not be able to see the baby because it would be too early. Inside, I was praying it wasn't too early! I wanted to see that baby so bad. When the test started, he kept looking and looking and looking. Nothing. And he kept saying "Maybe it is too early..." "I guess it is too early." Then silence and I heard "Well maybe it isn't too early." Yeah!!!! I looked over at my mom and said "Do you see it?" I didn't even need an answer because she already had tears. The doc asked if I could see the monitor which I couldn't, so he turned it more towards me. Right in the middle of the screen was a black empty space and a very very blurry speck. Yup...that was my baby.

Even though it was just a speck - and trust me it was very very small - I still was over the moon. The doc said it wasn't bigger than a grain of rice. Geez that is small. And to top it off - we were able to hear the heartbeat. How is that possible? Something no bigger than a grain of rice and you can still hear the heartbeat! Geez that is amazing.

Of course we aren't out of the woods yet. There is always a possibility of miscarriage. I have to take it easy, no heavy lifting, or straining and I need to take all my meds to kick this infection. All-in-all, it was a very successful doctor's visit. I'm getting more and more excited. I just am still shocked at the fact that we are having another baby. I really can't believe it. Ready or not - we are having a baby. Due date is April 2nd but I'll probably be scheduled for a C-Section before then - maybe the end of March.

The next thing I am looking forward to is October 18th - we get to find out the sex!

Not a very good weekend...

It wasn't. It really wasn't. Yesterday, I felt like complete shit. I really don't know how I survived the day and home alone with Addison to top it off. I'm just drained and literally didn't even have the energy to get off the couch. I am totally not like that...ever. When I am home with Addison, I am an hands on Mom. I don't just lay on the couch and watch TV. I am always up doing something with her or out running errands. Well not yesterday. I honestly could barely sit and feed her lunch I was so exhausted. I hate this feeling. I hate this feeling. I hate this feeling.

To top off my feeling bad, I was spotting on Saturday night/Sunday morning. I know this has added to my exhaustion because now I feel tired with a side of nervousness. I will be calling the doctor this morning to talk about this and see if they got my test results in from my urinalysis on Friday. I think I have a urinary tract infection which I think could lead to the spotting. Hopefully, I can get some answers. If not, I don't go to the doctor until August 30th.

Did I mention I hate this feeling? I hate the first trimester of a pregnancy so much. I just need to get through these next few weeks and then hopefully, I can be back to my somewhat normal self. Damn.

Did September Come a Lil Early?

For me...yes. Yes it did. I set out to start trying to get pregnant no earlier than September. And possibly later than that. I kept telling myself that it would take us a long time to get prego just like last time.

Needless to say....well, it didn't. That's right....I'm pregnant.

I am shocked, nervous, upset, nauseated and excited all at once. I don't think it has officially "hit me yet." My period was severely late and I kept thinking "No, I can't be pregnant." I have been waiting and waiting for my period to start so that I could start the HCG diet. The diet I have been looking so forward to! Well, not anymore.

When I woke up yesterday, I decided I would take a test just to "see" and make sure I wasn't prego. My thought was that before I would take a test and BAM my period would start. I took the test and waited about 30 seconds. When I turned back to look at the test, I was beyond shocked. The second line was faint but it was there. I kept saying out loud "No way!" I ran into the bedroom to wake Donnie up and show him my discovery. By this time, I kept thinking to myself "this had to be a mistake." After a couple of minutes passed, the line was very visible and it was official...the test was positive. All I could think about was how I wasn't going to be able to do the HCG diet and how I wouldn't be able to lose weight before the baby was due....bummer.

Later on in the day, I took another test (this time with another brand) and it was positive immediately. The little blue + sign couldn't have been any clearer. I was so excited that I had to tell someone...even though Donnie and I vowed to not tell anyone until we told our family. So I told Claudia at work and she, of course, was really excited.

Later on, we got to tell all of our family members and they too were very excited. I still don't know what to feel. Of course, I am excited but nervous. I am nervous about the timing and the fact that I have no idea when I am due or when this could have happened. I had a period in June but it was weird. It lasted for a day and a half and then nothing. It stopped cold turkey and never came back. And it was very light. The only time I can think of that we could have possibly conceived a baby was almost two months ago. So again, I have no idea.

I went to the doc's office today to take a urinalysis. I also think I am getting a urinary tract infection which is just awesome. I had two when I was prego with Addison and they suck! The paper didn't say it but I hope they also check if I am pregnant too. I would think so but honestly, I'm not sure.

Well, ready or not...it is here. I'm going to embrace it and celebrate it. I think I would feel ten times better if I had a doc appt soon and could confirm that I am pregnant. However, I don't go to the doc until August 30th. So, until then, I'll be battling with constant urination and nausea. Oh joy. But on the bright side, I'm cooking a very pretty baby in there.

All-in-all, it is worth every second. I can't believe I am going to have a baby!

My Little Miss

She is doing absolutely awesome. I swear she gets cuter and cuter every day. She has been the best little girl lately. No major meltdowns or issues. Last night, I was so tired and exhausted that I literally didn't want to do anything. And she couldn't be anymore independent playing with her toys and baby. Now our house looks like an explosion went off, but it is only toys. When she plays by herself, she literally takes every toy out...and I don't mind at all!

It's Diet Time

Yup...the story of my life...always dieting. Someday I just wish it could be a lot easier. Guaranteed...after I have the next kid, I will be taking advantage of dieting right after I have him or her. It is so much easier to lose weight right after you give birth. I did it last time, but other family issues just got in the way and eating was on the rise. Hello my name is Jessica and I am a stress eater.

My plan is simple (somewhat). I want to lose 40 lbs before I have another baby. Simple, right? Well not quite...If I planned to lose 40 lbs, I would be dieting and working out for the next 6 months. The catch to my plan...I want to start trying for another baby in about 3 months.

A few people I know are doing this diet called the HCG diet. I have done a TON of research on the pros and cons of the diet and I have concluded that I am going for it. I first decided that I would never do the injections and would only stick to the drops. This suddenly changed when I realized: 1. the shots are cheaper, 2. you only do the shot once a day compared to 3 times a day with the drops and 3. you could potentially lose more with shots.

I already have the injections but I am just waiting to mix the stuff and start. You can't do the injections on your period so I just decided that I would wait until after my period to start. So, this should be about next Wednesday or so. Now, I just need to decided if I want to wait until the weekend or just start on Wednesday.

Good news...The first two days of my new diet is called Loading Days. You can eat whatever you want and the goal is to STUFF YOUR FACE until you are sick. Yup...really looking forward to this day.

Bad news...the very very very very very low calorie diet of only 500 calories a day. And even worse, you have to stick to a strict diet of one veggie for lunch and 100 grams of lean meat/seafood and then another veggie and 100 grams of meat/seafood for dinner. You can't use oil, butter and some spices. You can also eat two fruits and one Melba toast or grissini breadstick. Pretty restrictive...but I have to keep reminding myself that it is for only 30 days and I can do it.

Back to the good news...you can lose an average of 1-3 lbs a day. Yup...this goes to the top of the list and pros. My goal is to lose at least 30 lbs from the diet. I know I can do it. I need to stay focused and motivated.

Once I hit my goal of 40 lbs, we will start trying for a baby. I am excited and nervous all at the same time. I'll be blogging my way through the diet noting my weight loss and challenges I encounter.

Eating

So, Addison's eating habits are getting better...much better. It was touch and go there for a while. I think one week she went five days without eating lunch and four days without eating dinner. I seriously felt like a horrible mom. Even though she was given every opportunity to eat (and trust me, we tried all foods), I still felt like I was starving my kid. But now, we are back in business.

It is funny though the foods she loves to eat. Sweet potatoes, grilled cheese, peanut butter and jelly, fruit and bread are always favorites in our house. But now, she has developed quite a sweet tooth. She ate decent at dinner last night, but when the cake came out for my Dad's birthday, you would have thought we just starved her to near death. I can barley get her to take a bite of her chicken but when it came to the chocolate cake, I couldn't get it in her mouth fast enough.

There was actually a time about 1-2 months ago when I could barely get her to eat a cookie. Actually, the only way I could get her to eat a cookie was call it a Banana Cookie. For some reason, whether it was a banana cookie or not, this was the only way she would eat it. Sometimes, she just really cracks me up. Her personality is really starting to shine. Last night when we were singing Happy Birthday (this is the highlight for her at all parties), she was laughing and laughing and covering her mouth with her hands like she was cracking up so much. She really is too much!

Every time we sing Happy Birthday at a party, she thinks it is for her. Especially since, when we are signing, my whole family is looking at her not the birthday person. She always has a huge smile on her face and is generally laughing. She isn't the center of attention in my family...no way! :)

To Baby or Not?

Last Friday, we bought a new car....actually a mini van. If you ask my husband, he would say "sport wagon." In any case, it is a much bigger car than we had before. Donnie's car was literally falling apart. Two months ago, we had to replace the alternator which was a hefty $600. Then, about 3 weeks ago, we had to put more freon in which was another $125. After no more than 4 days, the AC was back to not working. If you live in Las Vegas, you do not go the whole summer without AC. It would just be so crazy. After we found out that it would be about $2500 to fix the AC, we pretty much said "Hell No!" It was time for a trade. However, Donnie was still upside down in his car (his car wasn't even 2.5 years old!)

We knew we wanted something bigger and a trade (upside or not) was inevitable. I didn't want to get a smaller car and have to wait another 3 years before we could actually get what we wanted. He checked out Toyota since I am a huge fan of Toyota. My last 3 cars have been Toyota. Unfortunately, they weren't willing to work with us at all. Next, we went to our friend Tom at VW. He works for Findlay so if we didn't like the VW we always had the option to go to Findlay Toyota.

To my surprise, I love the Routan. It feels like a luxury mini-van....oh, I'm sorry....a luxury sport wagon! A couple hours later, it was ours. This was probably the best car buying experience we have had thus far. It helps to have a friend that works there but it really was professional, straight forward and honest. We got what we wanted for the price we would afford.

Now, we have this huge car and only one baby. We have been tossing around the idea of another baby. Alot of people in our life are ready for another one. I am still hesitant. I think my hesitation has been fueled by my grandma. About two months ago, we were talking about another baby and she made a comment saying she was absolutely not ready. She watches Addison the majority of the time - about 2-3 days a week. So as our main babysitter, if she isn't ready, then I'm not either. If she would have welcomed the idea, then I would be way more open to it.

My hesitation is centered around time. I feel like I barely have time now. Adding a new baby would just intensify this immensely. I'm worried that I won't be able to devote the time to Addison like I do now and forget about the "me" time. It feels like that won't even exist anymore. Plus work is a huge factor. My job is transitioning which would actually make it easier to have another baby but still, the time away (and loss of pay on maternity leave) is a big deal. Maternity leave is not covered with my new job so there goes about $4000. Geez...that is alot.

Decisions, decisions, decision. What I do know....is that when we are ready, we have plenty of room in the car!

Good news...and a little bad...

Good news: Addison went to the doctor on Friday and he gave us her blood test results. All clear. No more elevated levels. So it was officially...benign alkaline phosphatemia. Whew....It is such a relief to hear these results. I seriously stressed so much that it could be something more serious. I think as mothers we just do this to ourselves. If it was me who was going through this, I wouldn't have been nearly has nervous or worried. But when it comes to Addison, it is just different. I don't really know how to explain it...it just happens.

And now onto the Bad News: Right after the doctor's visit, we were walking to the car and I asked Donnie to use his phone. When we got the car, I thought I gave his phone back, but instead, I placed it on the roof of the car. Forgetting that I did this, I drove off to my mom's house to drop the baby off. It wasn't until we got to the movies and dinner for our "date night" that I realized I didn't give his phone back. I called my sister to check my car, the diaper bag, and her house. I could feel myself getting increasing upset at the fact the phone (iphone actually) was gone. After dinner, we had about an hour to relax, but instead, I insisted on driving back to my mom's to look and then onto the doctor's office to search the parking lot. I remember my husband saying, "you wouldn't leave it on the roof...why would you do that?" The fact is...I would. I just did the same thing about a week ago but this time it was just a drink.

We arrived at my mom's and no phone. I traced the same path back to the parking lot...no phone. As I started to pull out and drive back the same way, I saw what looked like a white piece of paper. I thought, "No, that can't be it." Donnie jumped out to find his iphone in pieces that had been ran over about 10 times. I was devastated. What a way to ruin a great date night.

I would have felt a lot better if it was my own phone. But the fact that I destroyed his phone, contacts, pictures, videos, etc is upsetting. Everyone kept asking me, "Was he mad?" And the fact is...he wasn't. I think I beat myself up enough for both of us and honestly, he didn't even need to get mad. I know it is just a phone and it is easy to say that you shouldn't get upset. But it is easier said than done.

On the bright side...Donnie gets to get the new iPhone 4. He is using his old phone until it comes out on June 24th. Lesson learned - never put anything on the roof. My "mommy brain" just can't handle it.

Another Baby in our House

On Saturday, my husband (and me too, I guess) threw a big UFC party. Usually we invite a ton of people and maybe 5 or 6 show up. Well to our surprise, a lot more than just 5-6 people showed up...probably around 30 or so (plus kids!). Our friend Nick brought his 3 month old baby too and I was really curious to see how Addison was going to act around him. She really hasn't been around any babies before besides ones her age. I was wondering if she was going to be jealous, mean, or simply just didn't care. And she was definitely the later. She didn't care about the actual baby or the fact I was holding him.

Actually...she cared about his stuff. Bottles, diaper bag, carrier, and blankets. She wanted it all. The top it off, Nick uses the exact same bottles we did and Addison wanted them so badly. She has been off a bottle for about 4 months now and suddenly it all came back to her. Yes, she wanted the bottle but she really wanted it for her baby. She went over, got her baby and placed it in the carrier. Then she wanted all of Peter's blankets to wrap her baby in. Then she wanted a diaper to put on her baby and a bottle to feed her baby. She literally went mad over all the stuff and started crying when we had to take it away.

Finally, my mom went upstairs and got one of her old baby blankets and Donnie brought in her old carrier. She played and played with her baby...taking it in and out of the carrier and wrapping and unwrapping the baby with her blankets. It was too cute. Again...I say, she has the best imagination for a 15 month old. She just plays and plays with her baby and other toys. It is amazing to see.

At least I know now that she isn't going to be too jealous when we start to think about adding another baby to our family. I seriously am not close to being ready. At first I couldn't wait to be prego again. I absolutely loved it. But now, with my workout schedule and dieting, I really don't want to screw my body up again.

Decisions, decisions, decisions.

Talking...or just repeating?

Addison's vocabulary seems to grow more and more each day. She is really at a point of repeating just about anything you say, mumble, or whisper. It doesn't matter if it is words, moans, groans, or laughing. Part of me is happy to see the transition and more talking but part of me gets concerned when she is not forming her own words or expressing what she wants with words.

The only reason I am questioning this is because my cousin's baby, Caylynn, is forming way more words much clearer and she is 4 weeks younger than Addison. I think everyone mom worries that their kid is not developing (or in my case, talking) as good as others. There really should be a clear cut book on things or milestones we should be reaching and when. I just would like someone (or some book) to tell me, "ok, at this age, she should be saying 9 words." Then, I would know if we are hitting the marks on time.

On a side note, I was so excited to finally get her the Grow With Me Fisher Price Kitchen. It is so cute. (I'm not sure who likes it more...her or me?) The kitchen converts from toddler size to preschool size when she is ready. I got home on Monday and put it together while she was napping. I literally couldn't wait to see what she did. Donnie suggested that we set her down and see if she found it in the living room. She came walking around the corner of the couch, saw the kitchen, and shouted "HI!" It was so adorably cute that I wish I would have thought ahead and video taped it. The first thing she grabbed (of course) was the purple phone. She instantly started playing. She even put the pot under the fake faucet and started making water noises like she was filling it up. The kid has one of the best imaginations I have ever seen in a 15 month old. She plays with her babies like she is 2 or 3. It is great and so much fun to watch.

So she may not be talking as great as I think but she will get there. Right now, she is starting the tantrum, throwing herself down, crying fits. This is when I wish she talked more. I keep telling her to use your words and we don't act this way when we want something. Most of the time, she stops right away. I look at her and think...geez, you are WAY to young to be starting this right now. Terrible twos just may come a little early at the Loggins house.

Nervous...

Yes, it has been awhile since I blogged. I've been very busy to say the least.

But right now...I am nervous. About 3 weeks ago, Addison had a fever for five days and a very bad rash. Then, after five days, she started wheezing. They did a ton of blood work and then ended up giving me a breathing machine and two meds to clear up her respiratory infection. However, when the blood came back, she had very high levels of Alkaline Phosphate. At the time, I didn't know what that meant. The doc said to wait until she was over her sickness before we retested her. He kept assuring me that it had to be a lab error.

Well, two week later, I called him back and asked him to put in for another retest. And we did...last Wednesday. Results came back on Tuesday and the doc said it is still very high - in fact, it went up. So, now the nervousness has set in and multiplied. When I talked to the doc, he assured me that he didn't want to scare me but we had to determine if it was bone or liver. Based off her last results, he said it was most likely bone since her liver function tests were fine. He told me he had already talked to a specialist about her and that we most likely would have to go and see him.

Yesterday, I got the call for the referral...which was for a gastroenterologist (who she has been seeing since she was a month old). Perfect...then I could call him right away and make an appt. So, now the appt is for tomorrow. But today, I thought...I should go and get the results and bring them with me just to be sure (her doc assured me he would already have them). I kinda wanted to get them too just so I could see what I was up against. When they say High...I really don't know how high that is.

For Alkaline Phosphate, the normal range is 25-500. Addison's level is 1678 (and of course there is an ALERT next to it).

For Alkaline Phosphate-Bone Specific, the normal range is 0.0-20.1. Addison's level is 497.7.

So, now the nervousness is building. I seriously can't wait until this doc appointment tomorrow. I need some answers. I am almost positive we will be doing some kind of bone scan very soon. I just don't know how serious this all is. I mean, it isn't like she is walking around in pain.

Being a mom is really hard...especially when you don't have the answers you need.

A New Mommy

So I guess I am still considered a "new mommy" especially by my actions last night.

We got home from my mom's house around 8:30 and when Donnie took Addison in the house, he realized she was burning up. I quickly got the thermometer and took her temperature....102.8. Now, again the new mom kicks in, because I am not sure how hot is too hot. We gave her Tylenol to bring down the fever and my mom said to keep her up for about an hour and check it again. Forty-five minutes passed and we took it again. Same. So I called the doctor to ask how long we should wait.

I talked to the nurse at the 24-hour Urgent Care, and she said we should start to see a decrease in about 15-30 minutes. Crap. By this time, it was almost an hour with no change. And to top it off, she had a pretty bad rash all over her back from her neck to her butt. The nurse figured this is what was causing the fever. I agreed. She told us to come in and see the doctor. No problem; however, of course the only office that is open is the one clear across town. Damn.

And of course, as soon as we get to the doctor (about an hour after we took her last temperature), she was feeling much cooler. The nurse took it again...98.8. Good for Addison...bad for Mommy and Daddy and we were thinking "Why did we rush to the doctor?" We still met with the doctor who told us the rash is a viral infection which was also causing the fever. Treatment....more Tylenol, fluids and keeping her comfortable. No meds.

So back to the "new mommy," yes, I am one. I know next time I won't be rushing her to the doctor. I even told the doc what the nurse said and his reaction was "Wow...15-30 minutes is optimistic!" No kidding....then the nurses should be informed of that. I would have never rushed her down there if the nurse just said "Wait another hour or so, it should break soon." All-in-all, Addison is doing better. She woke up with another fever but at least we know what it is from and I most likely would have taken her to the doc today or tomorrow to have the rash looked at.

Just next time, I won't be going at 10 PM unless it is extremely necessary.

Easter

It was awesome. We took Addison to an Easter egg hunt on Saturday. The whole family came (me, Donnie, my mom, my dad, Donnie's mom, Josie, Jenna and Claudia). I wasn't so sure how it was going to play out. We had practiced at home and I was secretly hoping this was going to be enough. And it was...she did so great! Of course we videoed it and took lots of pictures. For as many kids as there were (and it being 1-3 year olds), she got quite a few eggs in her basket. It was so funny to watch, too. I can't wait to go back and re-watch the footage. She would literally walk past four eggs to get a certain one. Too cute! Plus, she missed her morning nap this day so I wasn't sure how "pleasurable" she was going to be around. I was pleasantly surprised that besides a few weak moments in line, she was okay.

On Sunday, we had the whole family over including grandparents for an Easter BBQ. All-in-all, the weekend was pretty great. I can't wait until next year. Next year she will know what's going on and be more excited to go and get the eggs.

The Easter Bunny

I hate when you are so excited about something and it goes totally wrong.

I was really excited to bring Addison to see the Easter Bunny. I don't know why it didn't occur to me that she would hate it. I guess I just thought this was her first "real" Easter, and I wanted it to be perfect. She had a new dress, new shoes and a cute bow in her hair. But I knew it was taking a turn for the worse as soon as the Easter Bunny came out to take a seat in his big chair. That is when she started shaking her head no and clawing to go into her Grandma Kim's arms. Yep...this wasn't going to go as planned. I should have known. I guess I should have prepared myself...not Addison, for the worst. Then the picture lady kept asking if I wanted to buy the pictures saying, "Some parents like the upset ones." Well, not me lady. Good thing my mom brought her camera. I really didn't want to pay $30 for this...

Well...there is always next year. We are supposed to go to an Easter egg hunt on Saturday. Hopefully it goes better than this.

My Little Talker

Talking is getting better. However, I still feel like she should be farther along. I'm sure all parents feel this way. Addison's list of words include:

Hi

Dada

Mama (only heard it once or twice)

Dog

Socks

Good Girl

Thank You (she knows it but rarely says it)

Baby

Baba

I really should Google her progress to see if she is on target. I also never talk to her in baby talk. I never have. I try to repeat everything I am doing when I am doing it. She understands so much and is really adaptable to her surroundings.

Just the other night she picked up one of her socks and tried to put it on Donnie's foot. Some might think, "So what?" but to me I think it is so cool to see her notice that what she picked up was a sock and the fact that she knew exactly where it went! Yes, that is the thoughts of a mom.

Anyways, we are making progress on the talking. Now if only we could work on the teeth situation. We still only have one!

Gymboree

I know I have posted about Gymboree before. We are still going every week and she continues to love it each time. It has actually gotten easier since she has started walking. She loves to explore all by herself. It is difficult to keep her attention to what the class is doing. She is a very independent little girl. We just try and steer her back to the group and what everyone else is doing. I'm not a spokesperson for Gymboree but I always try and spread the word. Many other Moms don't know about it and I wish I knew about it sooner. The only reason I found it was because I was looking for a playgroup for Addison. It is so hard being a working mom. Most playgroups do not meet at night or during the weekend. They usually meet during work hour times when I can't bring her. I was looking for another outlet even if I had to pay for it. I want Addison to be socialized with others her age. Unfortunately, we really don't know anyone with kids where we could get them together on weekends.

Anyways, Gymboree gives us this outlet and I am so grateful for it. I love bringing her every week. It is hysterical how the children interact with her and with each other. Right now, they don't care if toys are taken out of their hands...they just pick up a new one. It will be interesting to see when they make this distinction and start to realize, "Hey, you took my toy." Now, Addison could care less.

During the Gymboree session, they do this part called "Busy Box" where they pull out four small totes filled with little toys geared towards hand and eye coordination. The bins are separated by colors and each box of colors has similar toys. With no fail, every week, Addison goes for the same toy. No matter the color, she has to have the same spiky, plastic ball. Last week, she scanned the toys looking for this specific ball. After finally spotting one, she went for it. It is so amazing to see how she processes her thoughts and acts on them.

I know we will continue to go until she is too old. After the play and learn classes (which I think goes to 16 months), we can switch to the music classes. Next kid...I'm starting earlier.

The First Year

I started reminiscing through pictures today. I guess I am just missing my baby right now (especially since we usually spend Saturday's together). I, unfortunately, had to work today. Bummer. Good news though...blogging time during some spare time. Here are some pictures of my baby girl for her first year. Please note...this is only a snid bit of pictures we have taken. We would need pages and pages to show them all.

I can't believe it's been a year. Feels like yesterday.... It is all worth it...every bit of it.

I love you Addison, more than you will ever know. You have completed my life, and I do not know what I would do without you in my life. You have made me a better person.

It's been awhile...

Yes it has. I'm still here just not blogging much. I have been sooooo busy with work, and when I get home, blogging just isn't making the list. Tons of stuff has happened since the last update. Addison turned one. As soon as I have the time, pics will come up. She is also walking now. Running and walking! Boy does walking open your eyes to tons of stuff. It is amazing how much stuff she can get in to in a short (very short) amount of time. We have child proofed the house but there are some things I want to teach her not to touch or get in to without child proofing...for example, DVDs or our TV (and equipment). She knows she isn't supposed to touch the DVDs. Trust me...she knows. Especially, when she looks over her shoulder to see where you are before she pulls off another DVD. Then, when she sees that you noticed, she goes running with the DVD in her hand. The kid is crazy :) Child locks...she doesn't care. She will still try to open up the cabinet or stick her hand through the small opening to grab whatever she can get her hands on.

Talking? Not as much as I would like her to be. I think every Mom worries about this thinking, "is my child at the same level as everyone else?" She says Dada very clearly. I know she can say Mama, but everytime I ask her, she just repeats with Dada. We have witnessed her saying Dog, Hi, Mama, Good Girl, Socks repeatedly but it just seems like she forgot or refuses to say it.

Teeth...or lack of? Yes, we have a problem in this area. She has one...actually half of one. She got this speck of a tooth almost two months ago and nothing since. The doc said not to worry but it is hard not to especially when I see other kids her age with 6-8 teeth already. The doc said we should only be really concerned if she didn't have any hair. And obviously she has tons of hair (don't want to have to remind you of this). I think by 15 months the worrying will begin to escalate (if it hasn't already). I do not see another tooth in sight so I will just have to wait and see what happens. Fingers are crossed.

Happy Birthday, Addison!

The first birthday was a huge success! All the planning (and money) was worth it! We had a semi-small gathering of close friends and mainly family to celebrate the day. I didn't plan any games...just food, presents and of course cake! During the present time, I could tell she was getting a little impatient. I keep opening the presents so fast to distract her and give her something else to look at or play with. She got a lot of clothes which was awesome...but for a 1 year old, clothes are not a big deal. She would open the bag and toss the clothes to the side. I was trying to look at them but at the same time give her something else to play with so I could give appreciation for the gift. I didn't want anyone to think I was being rude by not enjoying their present.

Next was cake and I wasn't too sure how this would go over. Addison does not like anything on her hands. If they get dirty, she immediately puts her hand up to you and moans for you to wash them off. We put her in her highchair, started the camcorder, put the cake in front of her and then just watched to see what she was going to do. She gently touched it with a couple of times and then realized it could be fun. Then, she dug right in. Not just a little bit...but full on, hands covered, digging in the cake. Even though her hands, big, and my floor was covered in cake, she really didn't eat much (which I was very happy). Everyone (about 20 people) stood around for about 10 minutes snapping pictures waiting to see what she would do. It was really cute. I can't wait to watch the video of it again.

All-in-all, it was a wonderful day. We topped it off by going to Red Robin for dinner with my cousin's family where they sung Happy Birthday to her as well. She also got to try ice cream for the first time. She liked it so much I had to move the ice cream cup out of sight as she keep motioning for it.

I really can't believe that my baby is one. I sit here and wonder where the heck has this year gone. She is growing up to be such a little girl...not quite a baby anymore. I guess the term is toddler now.

My Sick Little Girl

I hate when Addison is sick. Really...what mom likes for their baby to be sick? It just really sucks. It all started Thursday. My husband called me at work to let me know Addison was throwing up. Of course, my initial reaction is "shit." I cam home to find my poor baby really sick, throwing up and lethargic. The rest of the night we spent with her throwing up more and more...a total of about 7 times. I was up with her most of the night since Donnie had a meeting in the morning and I could stay home with her on Friday. Friday wasn't much better. I more or less forced her to drink Pedialiate all day. And she slept most of the time, either on me or in her bed. About every couple of hours, I just had to put her down in her bed. My arms were literally killing me from holding her practically all day. By Saturday, she was still running a fever and we decided to take her to the doc just to be sure she didn't have an ear infection or worse. The outcome...stomach flu, cold and to top it off a bad diaper yeast infection (again). Just great. And there wasn't any medicine (besides diaper rash cream) that could make her feel better.

By Sunday, late afternoon, she started to get better and was actually crawling around the house a bit. I'm hoping today will be even better. The worst part...I'm sick now. I can barely talk and have a really bad sore throat. I caught her cold probably from holding her so close to me over the last 4 days or so. I wish there was someone who could stay home and take care of me. I wouldn't mind being carried around for a couple of days :)

First Birthday....Fast approaching

Wow...is it seriously time to start thinking about the first birthday party? Seriously??

Well, we have. I successfully went to not one, not two, not three....but four party stores to find the exact party supplies I wanted. Actually, it was a particular invitation that I wanted. I saw it at the first one and insisted on going to more to find it again. Finally, by the fourth one, I found exactly what I was looking for. Plus...as an upside, the party supplies (plates, napkins, cups) were 50% off! Can't beat that now can you!

I contemplated on whether I should do a princess theme, lady bug, Disney, etc. In talking it over with my husband, we decided that we only get to plan ONE first birthday with the number 1. So, we chose a 1st Birthday Theme. The picture is the exact plates we got and everything else to go with it, table cloth, napkins, cups, decorations, high chair decoration kit, hanging sign...you name it. Even though I saved 50%, it was cheap, trust me. We will have to get a cake (two...one for guest and a small one just for her), food, drinks, balloons, and of course a present. Geez...you would think doing a party at your house would be cheaper. But once you are done, it really isn't. Next year, we will be going somewhere else....(Chuck E Cheese?)...don't know...but somewhere.

I don't particularly sweat the money, especially when it comes to Addison. I want everything to be perfect. It is going to be hard enough for me to get through the day without crying. Don't know if that is possible yet. I just wonder where this time has gone. Where has this year evaporated to....It feels like just yesterday I was in the most pain I have ever been in, in my entire life! It was worth it all, and I would do it over and over again if that meant having my baby girl.

Enough reminiscing...I think I am going to cry, now! Down to some serious business....what the heck am I going to do about food? I want something easy, but has to be substantial since the party is at 12PM (lunch time). And I don't want to spend a fortune....decisions, decisions, decisions. I need to make them quick too. Party is in 2 1/2 weeks!

Apples...a big problem

Apples, apples, apples....they are a big problem in our household. We started Addison off with Applesauce - something simple for a 4 month old. We soon realized she was breaking out in a horrible rash all over her back. Being a new mom, it just didn't register with me that it would be the applesauce causing this...until my mom tried to go through the things it could be. New lotion? No. Bath soap? No. Laundry detergent? No. Food? Uhhh...maybe. But apples? Really? Yes.

When I told the doctor about this, he said to gradually keep trying the apples again. Wait about 3-4 weeks and then introduce them again to see if she still has the same allergic reaction. And we did...tried them again about a month later and still a slight rash - but a rash none the less. Next time, I thought I would wait a little longer. So about 2 months later, I purchased some more apples to put away in the cabinet for when I was ready to try again. Only this time, I forgot to separate them out from the other food. I instead mistook them for pears. When I set out the food in the morning for my grandma, I accidently set out apples. Now, I wanted to try them again; however, I would have tried them on a weekend when I was home with her to see if she had a reaction.

My grandma fed her the apples like no big deal. She said she noticed they were apples and was going to call me but figured I must have set them out for a reason. Later in the day, Addison had a doctor's appointment. My grandma met me at the doctor's office to give me Addison so I could take her to her appointment. We are in the doctor's office and I quickly undressed her so she could get weighed and this is what I saw....

Now, I'm not sure how well you can tell from this picture...but her entire body was covered in red spots...I mean covered. I was utterly shocked and embarrassed...especially not knowing my daughter's body had broken out in a terrible rash. I felt like a horrible mother. The nurse just looked at me and I swear she wanted to say, "How the hell didn't you know that was there." I quickly weighed her so I could hide in the exam room. I frantically got out my cell phone to call my grandma and ask how long this was on her body. All I kept thinking was "how did you not tell me about this?" When I spoke with her, she swears up and down, back and forth that the rash was not on her body. She had just changed her clothes about 30 minutes before the doctor's appointment. And at this time, I didn't know I put out the wrong food. I called my husband and asked him to go home and look through the trash to see what she ate for breakfast. My only thought was...this had to be apples.

The weird thing about this rash was there were no spots above skin. All the red blotching spots were under the skin. She didn't seem to be in any pain from the rash either. I just kept looking at her wanting to cry and feeling so bad for making a mistake. I just knew it had to be those apples.

Donnie did get home and found an empty container of apples. At the same time, my grandma called and said she remembered feeding her apples but just thought I wanted her to. I felt so bad too because my grandma was so upset she was crying. She said she knew she should have called me first before giving them to her and felt like it was all her fault she had the rash. I explained it wasn't her fault at all...I made the mistake by not separating the food. I would have eventually given them to her just not on a doctor's visit day.

Needless to say....we are not giving her apples any longer.

And PS...do you know how hard it is to find baby food that does not contain apples or apple juice concentrate?Hard...very hard. My poor baby is very limited on her food selections.