It's a Girl

Yup...it's a Girl alright. See for yourself.

Even though I told myself I wasn't going to be upset, I am. I hate it too. I just really, really, REALLY wanted a boy. I have been so sick lately especially last weekend. The whole time I kept telling myself it will all be worth it if its a boy. And now its not...and I am upset. Not that I am not happy for a girl but damn, I really wanted a boy.

Part of me is even more upset with the thought that I may have to get prego again to try one more time for a boy. And that sure makes me upset with the thought that I may have to go through this sickness one more time. I'm not up for that.

I told a girl at work today too and started crying again. Geez. I just need to remind myself that as long as the baby is healthy...that is all that matters. And don't get me wrong...I am happy. I really am. Think of all the money I am going to save with another girl :) I just wanted the little boy experience.

But, as long as she is healthy, I will forever be happy and grateful. Now, if only she would stop making me sick all the time. I seriously was so nauseous last night and thought I was going to throw up two times. I am so done with the sickness. At 15 and a half weeks, you would think it would be over. Nope. Still in full swing. I just need to remind myself to stay positive and the sickness will pass...eventually.

Now, if only Donnie and I could agree on some names. My names include: Olivia, Stella, Emma. Donnie's name include ...... Nothing. He hasn't thought of anything yet he doesn't like mine. Let the arguing (I mean compromising) begin!

13.5 Weeks and Counting

Yea....Second Trimester! Hopefully this means the morning sickness, nausea and vomiting are over, right? Well, I'm not getting my hopes up just quite yet. I start to feel better and then it hits me all over again. I feel I am in a way better place to do this....even with the occasional throwing up fit, I feel way better than I did 3-4 weeks ago.

I went to the doc yesterday. It is always nerve racking the first few trips to the doctor. I am always concerned that since I can't feel the baby move yet that I had a miscarriage or something is wrong. I just feel like I am on pins and needles until I can hear that heartbeat. It is just music to my ears.

My doc appt was at 3:35. At 4:55, they took us back to the room. The whole time I am thinking "Wow...that was fast. We just might get out of here in good time today." Well...nope. We sat back in the room for over an hour! I was getting a little restless and I know Donnie was too. When the doc came in he acknowledged that we had been waiting a long time to see him. (yes we did!). We said, "Well good news then...it just might be too early for this thing (and he held up the doppler machine) so lets put you on the ultrasound machine!" I was so excited and felt like all the waiting was WELL WORTH IT! Now we get the see the baby which is way better than just hearing the heartbeat.

Baby looked really good. My doctor is always great because he takes the time to point out everything you can make out on the ultrasound machine...eye socket, brain, fist, fingers, thigh bone, arm, foot. It was great. And we got so excited just seeing an arm move. No sign of a gender yet....but we go to the special ultrasound place in a week and a half. I pray that we can find out then! Fingers crossed...

All-in-all, it was a very very successful doctor trip. I got a little bad news at the end...I can't lift Addison for 4-6 weeks after my C-Section. So how the hell am I going to get her out of her crib in the AM and back in there for naptime all by myself. Glad I found this out now...because I need to do some planning.

Sick of being Sick

I think I hit rock bottom over the long weekend. I seriously was sick every day throwing up. I lost over 5 lbs in 3 days.

I hit my breaking point last night. It was about 11 PM and I got up to brush my teeth. I suddenly felt so sick and starting throwing up real bad. After this finished, I was so upset. I am just so frustrated at being sick and feeling like I have no energy to pick myself off the couch to do anything. I started crying...hysterically. I was feeling so sorry for myself and what I was going through. Its not like I'm the only one that has ever had morning sickness, but I just feel like it is never going to end. Then, I feel like saying the words..."I don't want to do this anymore." But I don't because I know this will pass.

I think what I struggle with is that I wasn't ready to get pregnant. I didn't prepare myself for what I would be feeling and it kinda happened suddenly for me. I've been sick for over 5 weeks now and I'm just over it. I'm over the nausea and throwing up and lack of energy. I want to just hide in my house and sleep all day.

And to top it off...my vacation starts in 4 days. If I have another repeat weekend this weekend, I will be so upset. I am just praying all goes well and we have a great time. Me being sick all the time will just ruin it.

Morning Sickness

I am just sick of it. I swear I just want to cry everyday, all day. I am so sick. I can't keep anything down and I feel like absolute shit. I am tired and just want to sleep all day. But, unfortunately, I don't have that luxury. I have a full time job that I must go to if I want to pay my mortgage. It just sucks feeling this way. I feel like all day I have to way whether I need to start running to the bathroom and pray that I make it in time. Plus, I most people at work don't know so I just pray that when I do hit the bathroom that I am alone. So far so good. Good part though is the flu is going around at work and they might just think I got it.

I have contemplated when I should announce the pregnancy. After I told my boss, I honestly was okay with whoever knew. However, yesterday I found out so pretty scary news. Another girl at work was prego (about 1.5 weeks before me) and she lost the baby. It isn't even me and I wanted to start crying. I pulled my boss aside and triple checked that he wouldn't say anything about my baby bump during our company meeting because I knew it would be devastating. He didn't obviously and I am so glad I made sure to confirm it with him.

Losing the baby is of course my worst fear. I felt okay for one morning/afternoon and I started freaking out thinking that maybe I was feeling better because I too wasn't prego anymore. I honestly just can't think like that. If it happens, it happens but I can just hope for the best that my baby is okay. I really feel for what my coworker has to go through and I'm sure that it can't be easy.

I hope this morning sickness doesn't last much longer. I truly hate it (who doesn't?). I'm really looking forward to August 30th so I can hear the baby's heartbeat again. I pray that everything is alright in there.

My Baby Speck

So I went to the doctor yesterday. I am so happy too. I really didn't want to wait until August 30th to make sure the baby was okay. Since I had been spotting, I called the nurse to find out how much spotting is too much? She told me to come in and have the doc check. Perfect...however, I was already at work and really didn't think that I would have to go to the doc today. So of course, there wasn't much "prepping" done. I mean the shaving and trimming of all seen areas. Thankfully I took a shower before work but honestly, I had been so sick and really tired the past week that I didn't even give my legs a second look! Opps.

Hairy legs in all - I went to the doc. I took the first available appt right in the middle of work but I didn't care. I was poked and pradded EVERYWHERE. I got a vaginal exam, blood work, vaginal ultrasound and another urinalysis. He said he didn't see anymore bleeding which is fantastic. My first urinalysis from Friday still wasn't back but he still gave me a prescription which I am so thankful for. I seriously don't know how much more I could take of this urinary tract infection. It has gotten so bad that it hurts to sit on my office chair.

Next up was the ultrasound. He said if my dates were correct, we might not be able to see the baby because it would be too early. Inside, I was praying it wasn't too early! I wanted to see that baby so bad. When the test started, he kept looking and looking and looking. Nothing. And he kept saying "Maybe it is too early..." "I guess it is too early." Then silence and I heard "Well maybe it isn't too early." Yeah!!!! I looked over at my mom and said "Do you see it?" I didn't even need an answer because she already had tears. The doc asked if I could see the monitor which I couldn't, so he turned it more towards me. Right in the middle of the screen was a black empty space and a very very blurry speck. Yup...that was my baby.

Even though it was just a speck - and trust me it was very very small - I still was over the moon. The doc said it wasn't bigger than a grain of rice. Geez that is small. And to top it off - we were able to hear the heartbeat. How is that possible? Something no bigger than a grain of rice and you can still hear the heartbeat! Geez that is amazing.

Of course we aren't out of the woods yet. There is always a possibility of miscarriage. I have to take it easy, no heavy lifting, or straining and I need to take all my meds to kick this infection. All-in-all, it was a very successful doctor's visit. I'm getting more and more excited. I just am still shocked at the fact that we are having another baby. I really can't believe it. Ready or not - we are having a baby. Due date is April 2nd but I'll probably be scheduled for a C-Section before then - maybe the end of March.

The next thing I am looking forward to is October 18th - we get to find out the sex!

Not a very good weekend...

It wasn't. It really wasn't. Yesterday, I felt like complete shit. I really don't know how I survived the day and home alone with Addison to top it off. I'm just drained and literally didn't even have the energy to get off the couch. I am totally not like that...ever. When I am home with Addison, I am an hands on Mom. I don't just lay on the couch and watch TV. I am always up doing something with her or out running errands. Well not yesterday. I honestly could barely sit and feed her lunch I was so exhausted. I hate this feeling. I hate this feeling. I hate this feeling.

To top off my feeling bad, I was spotting on Saturday night/Sunday morning. I know this has added to my exhaustion because now I feel tired with a side of nervousness. I will be calling the doctor this morning to talk about this and see if they got my test results in from my urinalysis on Friday. I think I have a urinary tract infection which I think could lead to the spotting. Hopefully, I can get some answers. If not, I don't go to the doctor until August 30th.

Did I mention I hate this feeling? I hate the first trimester of a pregnancy so much. I just need to get through these next few weeks and then hopefully, I can be back to my somewhat normal self. Damn.

Did September Come a Lil Early?

For me...yes. Yes it did. I set out to start trying to get pregnant no earlier than September. And possibly later than that. I kept telling myself that it would take us a long time to get prego just like last time.

Needless to say....well, it didn't. That's right....I'm pregnant.

I am shocked, nervous, upset, nauseated and excited all at once. I don't think it has officially "hit me yet." My period was severely late and I kept thinking "No, I can't be pregnant." I have been waiting and waiting for my period to start so that I could start the HCG diet. The diet I have been looking so forward to! Well, not anymore.

When I woke up yesterday, I decided I would take a test just to "see" and make sure I wasn't prego. My thought was that before I would take a test and BAM my period would start. I took the test and waited about 30 seconds. When I turned back to look at the test, I was beyond shocked. The second line was faint but it was there. I kept saying out loud "No way!" I ran into the bedroom to wake Donnie up and show him my discovery. By this time, I kept thinking to myself "this had to be a mistake." After a couple of minutes passed, the line was very visible and it was official...the test was positive. All I could think about was how I wasn't going to be able to do the HCG diet and how I wouldn't be able to lose weight before the baby was due....bummer.

Later on in the day, I took another test (this time with another brand) and it was positive immediately. The little blue + sign couldn't have been any clearer. I was so excited that I had to tell someone...even though Donnie and I vowed to not tell anyone until we told our family. So I told Claudia at work and she, of course, was really excited.

Later on, we got to tell all of our family members and they too were very excited. I still don't know what to feel. Of course, I am excited but nervous. I am nervous about the timing and the fact that I have no idea when I am due or when this could have happened. I had a period in June but it was weird. It lasted for a day and a half and then nothing. It stopped cold turkey and never came back. And it was very light. The only time I can think of that we could have possibly conceived a baby was almost two months ago. So again, I have no idea.

I went to the doc's office today to take a urinalysis. I also think I am getting a urinary tract infection which is just awesome. I had two when I was prego with Addison and they suck! The paper didn't say it but I hope they also check if I am pregnant too. I would think so but honestly, I'm not sure.

Well, ready or not...it is here. I'm going to embrace it and celebrate it. I think I would feel ten times better if I had a doc appt soon and could confirm that I am pregnant. However, I don't go to the doc until August 30th. So, until then, I'll be battling with constant urination and nausea. Oh joy. But on the bright side, I'm cooking a very pretty baby in there.

All-in-all, it is worth every second. I can't believe I am going to have a baby!